games can be played with your George
Bush Deck of cards. They are fun as well as
our games, the Book of Hoyle represents the US Constitution.
It contains game rules designed to be fair to all players.
The boldface letters printed on our card faces represent
different strategies and powers by which Constitutional
principles can be avoided or undermined. Hoyles
rules apply in our games, except when modified as described
below. Our modifications are not fair, but they accurately
portray the impact their characters have on our government
and their meaning
Personal enrichment at taxpayer expense or "sharp"
CH: Chicken Hawk, a person advocating others
fight in wars while avoiding service themselves.
L: Lying, persistent "misspeaking",
or saying things easily shown to be incorrect.
J: Convicted felon, committed a probable felony
but not charged almost certainly due to political
connections, or convicted and then pardoned by George
B: Bullying others
CS: Is opposed to the separation of church
and state, or blatantly mingles the two.
CW: "Class War" - Bush's term, not
If your hand holds four cards bearing an L at the bottom,
the 5th card in your hand can be anything you say it
is. If what you say it is duplicates a card held by
another player, that players card becomes anything
you say it is. If that conflicts with anothers
card, the same principle applies, as the web of lies
becomes ever more complex.
Liars Draw, if two players or more hold four liars
the holder of the highest liar card trumps the others.
Holders of five liars cards trump all who hold
four unless one who holds four includes a Bush
card as one of them. The holder of four or more liars
cards one of which is a Bush card trumps all other combinations
of liars cards.
If a card drawn contains a $, you may exchange it for
your choice of one of the next two cards. No other player
may see the card you do not pick. Your money buys access.
Rummy (Gin Rummy)
You can help him in his search! If you hold a Rumsfeld
card you may pick two cards when your turn comes around,
whereas everyone else picks one, the better to aid you
in your search for the weapons needed to win. You must
still end your turn with the same number of cards in
your hand as is the case with other Rummy players. But,
if you pick a Wolfowitz,
may not discard these cards without losing your right
to pick two at each turn, and returning to the normal
rules of the game.
This game is played like any Hearts game, except that
(Ace of Spades) replaces the Queen of Spades. Because
there is no compassion in either the game or the man,
diamonds will substitute for hearts. If you hold a Gambling
Bill Bennett card, it will count as the
equivalent of 5 of diamonds. If you are caught with
it and lose, you must give a one minute talk on virtue.
If you include why gambling is bad, and with the approval
of other losers, you may subtract the five points that
card is worth.
powers outlined below may be applied in any game whose
general rules allow for these powers without thereby
eliminating doubt as to who will ultimately win.
In any Poker game, holding the combination of Perle,
beats any flush or straight except a flush of Spades.
Bill Bennett card
Counts for 5 points when you want to avoid points, subtracts
five points when you want to gain points. If you are
caught with it and lose, you must give a one-minute
talk on virtue. If you include why gambling is bad,
with the approval of other losers, you are free from
other disadvantages of holding that card.
In Poker, if you hold five cards with a B you can force
a discard from each opponent once in that hand, and
they must draw a new card. You may not see the face
side of the cards you force others to discard. If at
the end of the game you do not hold four bully cards
you automatically lose unless you have four liars. (This
last rule holds even if someone else subsequently used
their four bullies to force the discard of one of your
bullies, leaving you less than four. No one said bullying
was fair. But there are so many bullies in this deck
that you are probably going to be all right.)
other card games where you have at any time put four
bully cards face up on the table, but not discarded
them, you may force all others to discard as above.
In Poker, three CS cards give you the power to direct
four bullies, whether in your own hand or in anothers,
once they attempt to use them The bullies will then
take cards from each of your opponents rather than from
the opponents of whomever may actually hold the bully
cards. Three CS cards may therefore be used to thwart
a bully attack on your hand, reversing it.
You may use these cards more than once in a hand.
may pick up to two of the cards opponents have to discard
and insert them in your own hand, discarding whatever
you wish so long as you continue to hold three church/state
If you hold either a Poindexter
or an Ashcroft,
you may look at all your opponents cards one time
of your choosing during the game. If you hold both the
Poindexter and Ashcroft cards, other players must play
from that time on with all their cards showing, giving
you Total Information Awareness.
In any game played for money or chips, if you lose a
hand, you may keep 10% of your chips for every CH you
hold. If points are counted, and more points are worse
than fewer, you may reduce your point penalty from that
hand by 10% for each chicken hawk held, down to but
not exceeding zero points. Chicken
Hawks do not walk their talk.
may not be used in combination with jailbreakers except
when a particular person is both, and then only one
Out of Jail
If you lose a hand and hold a J card you forfeit only
50% of any bets you have made in that hand. It is worth
a lot of chicken hawks. If you hold a second J card,
subtract another 10% from your bet, and so on. A J can
be combined with a CH only once per hand, and only when
they are on the same card.
If you hold two CW cards, take 20% of all the chips
held by the player in that round who possesses the fewest
chips, and add them to your own.