GAME RULES and card powers:
Playing it their way

Special games can be played with your George Bush Deck of cards. They are fun as well as educational.

In our games, the Book of Hoyle represents the US Constitution. It contains game rules designed to be fair to all players. The boldface letters printed on our card faces represent different strategies and powers by which Constitutional principles can be avoided or undermined. Hoyles rules apply in our games, except when modified as described below. Our modifications are not fair, but they accurately portray the impact their characters have on our government and society.

Icons and their meaning

$: Personal enrichment at taxpayer expense or "sharp" business practices.
CH: Chicken Hawk, a person advocating others fight in wars while avoiding service themselves.
L: Lying, persistent "misspeaking", or saying things easily shown to be incorrect.
J: Convicted felon, committed a probable felony but not charged almost certainly due to political connections, or convicted and then pardoned by George Bush, Sr.
B: Bullying others
CS: Is opposed to the separation of church and state, or blatantly mingles the two.
CW: "Class War" - Bush's term, not ours.

Card games

Liars Draw (Poker)
If your hand holds four cards bearing an L at the bottom, the 5th card in your hand can be anything you say it is. If what you say it is duplicates a card held by another player, that players card becomes anything you say it is. If that conflicts with anothers card, the same principle applies, as the web of lies becomes ever more complex.

In Liars Draw, if two players or more hold four liars the holder of the highest liar card trumps the others. Holders of five liars cards trump all who hold four unless one who holds four includes a Bush card as one of them. The holder of four or more liars cards one of which is a Bush card trumps all other combinations of liars cards.

Corporate Stud (Poker)
If a card drawn contains a $, you may exchange it for your choice of one of the next two cards. No other player may see the card you do not pick. Your money buys access.

Rumsfeld Rummy (Gin Rummy)
You can help him in his search! If you hold a Rumsfeld card you may pick two cards when your turn comes around, whereas everyone else picks one, the better to aid you in your search for the weapons needed to win. You must still end your turn with the same number of cards in your hand as is the case with other Rummy players. But, if you pick a Wolfowitz, Cheney, or Perle, you may not discard these cards without losing your right to pick two at each turn, and returning to the normal rules of the game.

Diamonds (Hearts)
This game is played like any Hearts game, except that George Bush (Ace of Spades) replaces the Queen of Spades. Because there is no compassion in either the game or the man, diamonds will substitute for hearts. If you hold a Gambling Bill Bennett card, it will count as the equivalent of 5 of diamonds. If you are caught with it and lose, you must give a one minute talk on virtue. If you include why gambling is bad, and with the approval of other losers, you may subtract the five points that card is worth.

Card powers

The powers outlined below may be applied in any game whose general rules allow for these powers without thereby eliminating doubt as to who will ultimately win.

Neo-Con Slam
In any Poker game, holding the combination of Perle, Wolfowitz, Rumsfeld, Kristol, and Cheney beats any flush or straight except a flush of Spades.

Gambling Bill Bennett card
Counts for 5 points when you want to avoid points, subtracts five points when you want to gain points. If you are caught with it and lose, you must give a one-minute talk on virtue. If you include why gambling is bad, with the approval of other losers, you are free from other disadvantages of holding that card.

In Poker, if you hold five cards with a B you can force a discard from each opponent once in that hand, and they must draw a new card. You may not see the face side of the cards you force others to discard. If at the end of the game you do not hold four bully cards you automatically lose unless you have four liars. (This last rule holds even if someone else subsequently used their four bullies to force the discard of one of your bullies, leaving you less than four. No one said bullying was fair. But there are so many bullies in this deck that you are probably going to be all right.)

In other card games where you have at any time put four bully cards face up on the table, but not discarded them, you may force all others to discard as above.

In Poker, three CS cards give you the power to direct four bullies, whether in your own hand or in anothers, once they attempt to use them The bullies will then take cards from each of your opponents rather than from the opponents of whomever may actually hold the bully cards. Three CS cards may therefore be used to thwart a bully attack on your hand, reversing it. You may use these cards more than once in a hand.

You may pick up to two of the cards opponents have to discard and insert them in your own hand, discarding whatever you wish so long as you continue to hold three church/state cards.

Snoop Cards
If you hold either a Poindexter or an Ashcroft, you may look at all your opponents cards one time of your choosing during the game. If you hold both the Poindexter and Ashcroft cards, other players must play from that time on with all their cards showing, giving you Total Information Awareness.

Chicken hawks
In any game played for money or chips, if you lose a hand, you may keep 10% of your chips for every CH you hold. If points are counted, and more points are worse than fewer, you may reduce your point penalty from that hand by 10% for each chicken hawk held, down to but not exceeding zero points. Chicken Hawks do not walk their talk.

Chickenhawks may not be used in combination with jailbreakers except when a particular person is both, and then only one per hand.

Get Out of Jail
If you lose a hand and hold a J card you forfeit only 50% of any bets you have made in that hand. It is worth a lot of chicken hawks. If you hold a second J card, subtract another 10% from your bet, and so on. A J can be combined with a CH only once per hand, and only when they are on the same card.

If you hold two CW cards, take 20% of all the chips held by the player in that round who possesses the fewest chips, and add them to your own.

American shadow

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